Thursday, January 31, 2008

Welcome

I should have written this earlier, but I just recently got the idea so here goes.

Whether you just happened to stumble upon this little corner of the blogspace or whether you know me somehow, please feel free to read my posts. They are thoughts that are meaningful to me or discussions of something I have learned from a friend, teacher, or book, but they are also for you, yes you, if you care to read. Feel free to comment or not to comment, it's up to you although like any writer I enjoy feedback. Now, I realize that some things I say may be wrong or slightly off, but that is to say that I'm human and make mistakes, so keep that as mind as you read. God Bless.

--Josh Connor

Sunday, January 27, 2008

In the Stillness

It's hard to find a silent moment ever on campus
it seems like there's always noise
music blasting
video game explosions
shouting punctuated with colorful language

There seems to be a steady pounding everywhere,
but never silence

It is written, "Be still and know I am God"
the only problem is that our culture has A.D.D.
We can't be still
we don't know how to stand peacefully in Christ
maybe we don't even try
we're too busy trying to find entertainment
our technicolor gods
we can't be still
if there ever is a silent pause
before long someone twitches uncontrollably and yells
"will someone just say something"
we can't be still
we're too busy rushing around worrying about our schedule
I'm tired of hearing "I don't have time"
I'm tired of saying "I don't have time"
My gosh I'm tired
I jot a time in for God everyday
for some reason
even though he is outside of time
But He doesn't just want a time
He wants all of it, our lifetime

What would it mean if we could be cured of this? If we could just live every moment in peace and stillness in Jesus. If we could just give up our lives every moment knowing He is God and in control of our lives; our lives are not our own. I think we should then find rest and we should be able to endure the quiet and cherish moments of stillness, just enjoying that He is with us.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Just Write

I don't know what to say, and I don't know how to say it.
I hardly ever know what to write,
what's worth saying, what's worth meaning.
I have to know every detail before I can begin
I have plan everything out, then I weigh whether I feel that it is worth saying.
Even this....

Someone told me "just write"

But I'm not sure if I know how to...
If I know how to just express my feelings
to release them in a whirling prayer from my soul
as a cry of wind releasing from my mouth
to give up joyful words of praise from my heart
without thinking....

I think too much..... I always have.

My brain gets in the way,

I think too much

I've been trying to learn how to let Him out of my head
and into my heart, but it's hard.

I wonder what it would look like to just let him have my heart now,
to let it go of my heart to Jesus, just like letting go of words
and just writing, not knowing what I am doing
but letting myself be led,
where with my words? I don't know
where in life? I don't know
I feel the uncertainty of things ahead
and it frightens me.

Where am I to go?

Here I can see Jesus also saying, "just write"
"just write"
Because we are called to write with love on the hearts of those around us
to write on lives as he has written on us
not thinking about the soundness of our reason
but releasing our love because we have no other
choice but to let the love we have been given overflow
and just write, just write
giving up everything to the original Word.

Monday, January 14, 2008

There's Nothing Like Good Conversation

Recently, I was talking with a group of friends on a trip down to Slidell, Louisiana to help with the ongoing reconstruction after Katrina. The conversation was some of the most honest and truly fufilling words I have ever really had; we all made ourselves vulnerable but by doing so allowed a much greater depth and meaning to our words. I think now I'm beginning to understand what fellowship looks like.
I really liked one phrase that came up that "When it comes down to it God just wants your heart." Whereas, I tend to focus on my mind and not my heart. In my head I believe but my passions and desires are not in the same place. The need to focus on living in the present also came up, to live now for Jesus and not put it off or focus on the future or past. These ideas are hard to deal with, but when has Christianity ever been easy to reconcile with our lives? When it comes down to it God wants our hearts-- our longings, our love, and our lives-- not just in quiet times, but at every moment of the day-- right now.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The Problem with the World


I'm not too much on keeping up on violence in other countries. I think for the most part I try to avoid the terrible stories coming through the media, perhaps on the philosophy that what I don't know can't hurt me, not that I'm probably too likely to be affected for long even if I do hear.
I have been keeping up with the rioting going on in Kenya right now, however, since I might be going on a missions trip this summer. As far as I can understand, the recent controversy over the presidential election in Kenya has provided an outlet for the underlying tribal tension and anger at the corruption in the government (which I believe, is somewhat similar to the way the Rwandan genocide started). The president Kibaki, belonging to the largest tribe, the Kikuyus was re-elected over the other candidate, Odinga, belonging to a smaller but also large tribe which feels marginalized. So amid cries of rigged elections violence has broken out, leading to machete wielding mobs which have even burned a church with people inside, sparking more violence and revenge.
As I sat and read one of these reports, I shook my head, thinking "my gosh this is terrible, someone needs to put a stop to this. I hope they can restore peace." but as I shook my head, I found there was subconscious continuation of my thought, "...so that is safe when I get there."
The realization of this though hit me hard. My gosh what is wrong with me, that all the concern I can muster for the people dying in Kenya is really just a disguised self-absorption. It's as if I wouldn't care how many died so long as the mess was cleaned up before I got there.
Now, I'm believing more and more that the problem with the world are not the crazies but that I am the problem. It is as Donald Miller writes, "Nothing is going to change in the Congo [or in this case Kenya] until you and I figure out what is wrong with the person in the mirror." And a broken mirror at that.
So, hoping that I truly mean it, I must also agree with Chesterton on what's wrong with the world : I am.
Thank Jesus, that we have the hope of restoration.